Be Happy
by heechul
Summary: As long as she's happy, I'll be happy. So be happy, Tohru. Onesided MomijiTohru.


**A/N: **An angsty one-sided love. Do not read if you do like fluff. This is not fluff. Repeat: Not. Fluff.

**Disclaimer:** Natsuki Takaya.

**Be Happy**

**x**

It's no wonder that everyone truly loves her. She's not like Akito; she has no obligation to love. She loves simply because that is what she does. I'm not sure I know anyone with a bigger heart than Tohru. I've seen the way Kyo looks at her. I've seen the way Yuki looks at her. It would have been impossible to say that they didn't love her. But I know that what Kyo feels is real, that he is honestly _in love_with her. And I've seen the way she looks at him. He's her number one. Yuki loves her because she is the mother he has never had. Because she loves him, truly truly _loves _him, and not just because he is a tool. I am sure that Tohru has the biggest heart in the world. She loves anyone if she can find something beautiful in their heart.

I'm not sure when it started, when I felt it. Maybe it's always been there, from the first day I've ever met her or maybe it started gradually. Maybe it started from my desire to protect her. Maybe it started because she was the first one to protect _me_. She was one of the only people who understood, who knows the pain I might hide. She always says the right things, and I can always count on her to love me. But her eyes never seek me out from a crowd and she will never think of me as anything more. Sometimes I wish I had nothing but darkness in my heart so I can have a reason not to love so much.

She doesn't love me more than she loves Kisa or Haru or even Hiro. She doesn't love me like she loves Yuki or Kyo, especially. Once upon a time, I thought that memories would be enough. That despite the fact my mother's memories may still burn in my heart, it doesn't compare to the pain that she will one day bring. She must never know because I know she will tear herself up, trying not to listen to her heart. Once upon a time, I thought that mere memories of her would be enough. Now I know it will _never _be enough. I'm so selfish. I want so much of her.

"_Tohru." _Kyo says and I can see her eyes light up and a light blush spread over her cheeks. _"Y-yes?" _she may stammer out, but I can see that her eyes are softer and that there is love in her tone. It's no wonder he loves her, she heard the cry for help that no one else could hear.

"_Honda-san." _Yuki calls out to her after class and I stare out my classroom window, wishing it were me. Her steps automatically halt, and she turns to meet him. _"Yuki-kun." _she says, with a smile in her voice. She starts fussing immediately and I can tell that she worries about him. She worries for his happiness.

"_Tohru?" _Shigure's head pokes out of his office, where I stand in the hallway with her, Yuki, Kyo and Haru. _"Shigure-san." _she smiles and I can see him relax, visibly. He may not say it, but even Shigure has a special place in his heart for her. He may not say it, but I can tell because I agree. Home is not home unless she's there.

"_Tohru-kun?" _Kagura's face lights up and she runs over to Tohru with a smile. _"Kagura-chan." _Tohru becomes so much more, especially for those of us cursed. Tohru becomes a symbol of hope. That if there ca be someone with a heart so big, then maybe the world isn't as cruel as we might have thought it was.

"_Honda-san. Shougayaki." _Haru walks by her, with the same indifferent look on her face, but I can see the smile that plays at the corners of his lips. _"Okay, Hatsuharu-san." _Haru owes so much to her, the extent of which even I don't know of. He owes her for saving everyone that he loves when he couldn't even touch them. He loves her for being there, always, for being his constant. A day isn't complete unless she has smiled.

"_Tohru-kun." _Aaya isn't as wild as he once was, because now he knows how to love his younger brother. _"Ayame-san." _Once I asked him how Yuki ever let him into his heart. He merely smiled and replied, _"Isn't it obvious?" _And true, it is.

"_Honda-kun." _Hatori smiles at Tohru, one of his few rare smiles. _"Hatori-san." _It's no wonder that she must hold a special place in his heart, being the only one since Kana to understand spring. In a way, Tohru was like Kana, always cheerful, always looking for the beautiful things in life. Tohru found the spring in Hatori's heart.

"_Onee-chan." _Tohru holds out her arms and waits for Kisa to run in to them. _"Kisa-san!" _Beyond anything, Tohru _saved _Kisa. Kisa is who she is now because of Tohru. Tohru never thinks she helps but she doesn't know that everything seems a little brighter when she smiles and you haven't been loved until you've been loved by her.

"_Oy. Stupid woman." _Hiro looks at her with disdain but I can see that this is the only way Hiro knows how to show that he cares. _"Hiro-san." _And she turns that dazzling smile on him and I wish she'll show it to me again. Hiro can't tell her, because his pride won't allow him, and she'll never know so it's okay. She doesn't know the way she saves people merely with her words. She doesn't know Hiro is grateful to her because her love has made him a better man than he could ever be otherwise.

"_H-honda-san?" _Ritsu walks up behind her, the most assertive I've ever seen him. _"Ritchan-san! How are you?" _And Ritsu smiles gratefully, afraid that it was just a dream. Tohru is amazing, he once confided to me. She showed him that someone cared, that one day, he'll find his reason. She didn't give up on him, even when he had given up on himself. Simply put, she's his _savior_, and maybe the first one to understand his pain. She would cry for him, without a thought of herself.

"_Tohru!" _I jump up behind her and she jumps. _"M-momiji-kun, you scared me!" _I laugh, simply because I'm so glad she's there. She doesn't know what she means to me, that she is the only person I feel I can trust with everything. I know that I could tell her the extent of my love but she would look troubled and try to love me. I just know that she could find it in her heart to pretend to be happy, but her smiles for me would never be like the smiles that she gives _him. _She would cry for me and she would try to take all my pain, but I would never do that because I _love _Tohru. Because I would never want her to hurt for me or to try to be something she knows and I know she cannot be.

She walks home with Kyo and the sun casts their shadow onto the ground. Their shadows look so right together, something that never happens when she's with me. I rest my forehead against the window and tears blur my eyes. I close my eyes and a tear runs down my cheek. _If she turns around once, she loves me. _I thought selfishly. I look down and I see her looking her, squinting because the sun's in her eyes. She sees me and she waves. I wave back but she's already turning around. _She loves me but she's not in love with me. _Despite the pain, I smiled. As long as she was happy.

_Be happy _I whispered into the glass. I don't care who she's with, even if it's not me. All I need to be happy is for her to be.

_Be happy _I whisper into the darkness and I think, _if she's happy, I'm happy. _

But a little selfish part of my heart keeps the tears coming and I think,

_Just this once, just this once, let me cry a little. Let me be selfish even though I don't deserve to be._


End file.
